Be Careful What You Wish For...
You know how you can spend so much time chasing after things that, at that time, seem like life or death if you don't get it; And when you do get it, you realize it may not have been what you wanted after all. It's a weird kind of feeling -- like you wasted time, or you feel stupid because the answer was so obvious, or it's all-around 'sayang', or suddenly you have no purpose. Because what you've been working for, what you thought you wanted, you actually may not.A bit like moving to Europe for me. I've been wanting it and hounding my bosses for the last 3 years about this. I still haven't gotten it, but I've been working here for the past 2 weeks and I find myself asking if this is really what I want. I mean, it's really great and all. Lunch is terrific and subsidized, there's a coffee bar, foozeball, a great company store, company car, working hours are short...
It could be that I just have a lot of time on my hands walking back and forth to the tea dispenser. But I can't shake that depressing feeling.
I'm not just talking about the sun or the 20-minute lunch breaks. That bothers me, but it's also how the Marketing guys aren't friends (and I used to think it was bad in Singapore) and are locked up in their cubicles the whole day (score one point for the open office). I mean, you could go to work and not see anyone, how crazy is that! The office is so quiet you feel like you're in a library and the secretary's about to shush you any minute.
It does get quite lonely especially if you're single, or don't know anyone, as is my case. Yeah, people ask you out and there always seem to be something going on. But everything is just background noise. I'm in my movie and everything around is going past me.
I don't quite fit. There's something not quite right.
Update (1/14/07: my last night in Brussels): Had dinner with Karim and his wife, my doppelganger, Ranna, the other day. And I've got invitations to a couple of other housewarmings and parties. Stéphane and his team have also been incredibly nice. I have to say, after the initial hump... It's been fun. I know I'm fickle because now, Brussels seems like the bomb -- especially if I can get that Mercedes convertible Karim has. :)
posted by moan @ 9:06 PM
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