The Yellow Brick Road: August 2006

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

My Life In A Box

I've finally moved into my new apartment. I spent the whole Sunday packing and unpacking -- my whole life in 14 boxes. I sorely miscalculated the amount of work required and overestimated my personal capacity for physical effort... so now my whole body hurts like hell and my fingers have black newspaper ink stains that won't come off.

Good-bye to my old apartment... It was much bigger and I could have a proper bedroom with separate areas for the living room and dining room, as you can see.

Hello to new apartment, where I have one space for my living room and bedroom. This is the view when you enter my apartment, which has promptly shocked my maid, Rosita.

The opposite view from my bed... straight to my plasma. :)

This is the master's room that I've turned into my study...

And the dining table I've turned into my work table.

This is the kitchen which I normally wouldn't show you since it's not that great. You may be wondering why I'm taking a picture of a door. It's a actually quite a special door since it's about 5 inches thick and leads into a small bomb shelter - no kidding. In the event of a bomb, it's nice to know I'm completely protected. Now my bomb shelter has been converted to a pantry. So at least my canned goods will be safe from harm.

What I miss about my old apartment:
1) THE WALK - 3 minutes to the MRT vs. 10 minutes (and up a hill on top! groan... hello taxi!)
2) SPACE - I undervalued my storage space... sniff.
3) MY UBER COOL LOCK - It was automatic locking device in my old place and now I have to get used to using a... (gasp!)... key! (sacre bleu!)
4) THE PRIVACY - Any Joe can look up and see my booty in my new place.

What I do like about my new place:
1) THE VIEW - I face a park so it's nice to see so much green.
2) THE BREEZE - No need for aircon. It's like Hurricane Karing here all day. The noon sun doesn't even come in to my place.
3) The fact that I can watch my plasma from the bed.
4) I have a PANIC BUTTON which is directly connected to the guard house (not that I'd ever use it. This is Singapore after all. But it's nice to have that security.)
5) And last but not the least, my DOUBLE-SHOWER HEAD. It's like a spa in the shower -- makes me want to take a bath all the time, and nothing has ever quite achieved that before.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Introducing... Mona Kahlo

I just got my passport back from the Italian embassy and it's nice to see they kept their word and gave me a 6-month multiple-entry Schengen visa. Not that it's going to be of much use to me... I'd planned to travel somewhere in the Eastern European bloc end of this month but unforeseen circumstances, extravagant shoe-spending included, have forced me to stay grounded.

Besides, if I do move to Europe in a few months, I should maximize travel here in Asia instead. South Africa is an aberration and only because it's neither here nor there. But I really should travel to New Zealand, Australia's Great Barrier Reef, Krabi, Chiang Mai, Agra, Jaipur, Rajasthan and maybe Kerala before I move.

In related news, they put your picture now on the visa. And there's a black line that appears exactly at the junction of my eyebrows. I look like Frida Kahlo on steroids. Shudder shudder.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

She Sells Shoeses by the Seashore

I just spent an obscene amount of money kick-starting my life-long addiction to shoes. This is my reward for putting my new life plan into action already. I'm hoping that incentives up-front will make it easier for me to stick to the program -- or so I rationalize.

Look for yourself:
I've signed up to TRY out belly dancing for tomorrow. I was lucky enough to find a 2 hour session almost for free as part of the Singapore Arts Festival promotions. 2 weeks from now, it's flamenco and swing. I'll decide after that which one to pick up, but I'm leaning towards exotic dancing if only for the shock factor. :)

I know, I know... Everyone's told me I don't have the belly to belly dance. But what the hell, it's all in the hips anyway and cut me some slack, I do have some of those.

I've also roped Yotch and Wong (though Wong doesn't know it yet) to building some new houses for GK in Manila for Yotch's birthday. I thought it was a cool way to spend your birthday so I decided for Yotch. Haha.

I still haven't found my learning courses yet, but I am watching an improv comedy show next week, a Broadway musical with the original NY cast next month and the Robbie Williams concert in November. That should count for some culture in the meantime.

And due to very insistent public demand (read: Wong's comment in previous post), I am eschewing my domestic urges for now.

Not bad for a few days right? Plus I'm well on my way to a new wardrobe with all the shoe shopping I did today. The fun part is planning the rewards - I have a tentative calendar already and I'll probably need some help deciding where to go.

August - Original plan was to go to LA to visit Ahia but I had to cancel this since I spent the money on shoes and I have to move apartments.

September - Maybe a China cruise with the folks if I can shorten the number of days. Plus, I'm going home to Manila FINALLY!! Though I have to swing by Delhi too. Boo.

October - Yey! My birthday double whammy -- D and Fara are coming over. Or how should I say... they better come over for the 1st time in 4 years and 3 apartments! I'm also taking a 2 week leave because of the Singapore holiday season. I was supposed to go to the Eastern European bloc but if plans push through, I'll be writing this blog from Johannesburg!

November - Yotch and Wong are coming over. This is probably our spa month. Ooooh. Maybe a side trip to Chiang Mai.

December - I haven't decided whether to do Manila because it's Yotch's last Christmas there. Or New Zealand... Argh. Decisions, decisions.

January - Hopefully, if everything goes well, the company will be sending me off to Geneva for my look-see trip. And if I do get sent, that'll mean even more travel every month! Woohoo!

In the meantime, I guess I'll have to content myself with more shoes. :)

Thursday, August 17, 2006

My New Life Day 2: Faking It

Special thanks to D for inspiring this post and my new life. She pointed out to me yesterday (hence today is Day 2) that I am at a unique point in my life where...

a) I'm expected to be completely selfish,
b) I can do whatever I want without answering to anybody and,
c) I actually have the financial means and freedom to do so.

So we drafted a rough plan of what's possible, intersected that with my personal interests and voila! A 6-month plan to get me thru the rest of my stay here in Singapore. Since I'm a true proctoid, the plan of course, has principles which I need to follow:

1. I cannot spend more than what I earn. BUT for the next 6 months, I can spend everything I make.
2. I have to learn something new every month.
3. The plan will be flexible enough to allow for travel, which is my reward for all this growth I'm forcing upon myself.

I broke up the skills I have to learn into themes -- beauty, health, cultural, spiritual and domesticity. And for the next 6 months, I have to learn at least 1 from each theme. Heehee... this is so much fun.

Here are my lead options under each theme:
BEAUTY - Personal make-up lessons, Spa-ing (Ok ok, I know. Technically, going to the spa isn't a skill... but it makes me feel beautiful so there. :)

HEALTH - Absolutely no gym-ming. Salsa, Hip hop classes, maybe some flamenco on the side. Lap dancing, exotic dancing (translation: strip tease, which is getting quite popular here as a form of cardio, you dirty minds)... I'd learn how to pole dance too except you don't run into that many poles in regular life for it to be an actually useful skill. Unless I start performing in the subway and uh... that's just not something you'd want to see.

And just maybe, some golf. It would be so me to pick the laziest sport. Diving is also something I want to do, I'm just afraid it's too expensive a hobby. Sigh... the Chinese in me won't quit.

CULTURAL - If you guys don't watch "Faking It", you absolutely must. It's a great show that airs on Discovery Travel and Adventure and it's about taking a fish out of the water and plopping him in entirely unfamiliar territory. Now obviously, I'm not talking literal fish here. They've turned a mild-mannered Kindergarten teacher into a bodyguard, a pizza delivery guy into a chef, a carpenter into an Interior Designer, etc etc AND all in just 4 weeks AND at competition-level on top! At the end of the show, these guys have to compete with other people who have been in the industry for yeeeears, "fake it" and fool the judges who have to pick out the "faker".

It's a truly inspiring show because 99% of the time, these guys can actually fake it! A totally new skill picked up in 4 weeks, at a level that's good enough to compete. Wow. I'm not trying to accomplish the impossible here. It can be done. I just have to practice.

So I'm thinking flair bartending ala Tom Cruise in Cocktail. It would be a cool skill I can show off in parties. :) Problem is, I don't think anyone actually teaches that here. Maybe I should content myself with plain bartending. Wine tasting is also interesting.

Before you think I'm turning into an alcoholic, I'm already learning to speak (and write) French so I really should let myself off the hook on this one. But I would so so so love to take night classes, Saturday courses, whatever-hour-of-the-day-or-week classes to learn about art history, photograhy or force me to read literature again. I was thinking about an investment class or some techie class like flash or podcasting, but seriously, like I would ever do it. I need to set realistic targets here.

SPIRITUAL - For someone who can't even make it to regular Sunday mass, my resolution is just to try and do some good in the world. Thankfully, I work in a company that makes this easy for me. Because P&G is partnered with a non-profit organization called World Vision, we can educate and feed a child for just S$45 (or about P1500) a month, deducted automatically from our bank if we choose. This isn't a skill but an ad - anyone who wants to do this, drop me a text or comment and we can figure out later how you can pay me back.

To feed my soul, I'm also volunteering at either Habitat, Gawad Kalinga or World Vision. I'm going to start building houses or schools. Good karma + learning carpentry! Who said doing good didn't have any rewards?

DOMESTICITY - Ew. This was the difficult one. What skill could I learn? Cleaning the house? No thanks. Ironing? Like anyone in their right mind would spend extra time ironing just to teach me. I ended up with cooking, and even more challenging, learning how to cook a 3-course dinner for a party! Ha! No one can ever accuse me of not setting stretching goals. If I pass that, I may just learn how to go to market too (you'd be surprised at the courses they offer here in this country).

And as if I didn't have much to do already, I've added a few more goals for myself to accomplish over the next 6 months:
1. Expand my circle of friends.
2. Invest in a kick-ass new wardrobe.
3. Go to a fancy new restaurant AND learn to make a new dish every 2 months at least.

You'd think this was trying to do too much, but trust me, live in Singapore and tell me you're not bored. This is a pretty long post already so I'll save the travel plans for tomorrow. Any votes which skill I should learn first? :) I'm so excited to start!!!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

When You Fall in Love...

Ran across an interesting article today by Bo Sanchez. It made a lot of sense to me and some of the stuff, I wish I had known when I was younger. I'm sharing it because I think a lot more marriages and relationships would be saved if people stopped being "in love" and got down to the business of loving - even the painful, boring, I-can't-even-believe-how-I-could-love-you, real, gritty, no violins in the background type of love.

When You FALL IN LOVE
(Debunking the Myths That Are Driving You Crazy)
By: Bo Sanchez

This article isn't for teenagers only.
Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. (Did you see 42-year-old Tom Cruise jump up and down Oprah's couch because of Katie?) It happens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy, not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green......it doesn't really matter.

All of us fall in love.

And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy. My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them. Let's begin...

MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL
Let me qualify. This is such a tricky myth. Because love -- as defined by the Bible -- will conquer all. But love -- as defined by glazed-eyed lovers -- will not.

If you believe in this myth, you might do the following:
You overlook major obstacles in your relationship. Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer space as your boyfriend. Your bestfriends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of a running vehicle. Aling Rosa
of the sari-sari store across the street is telling you to lace his drink with poison.

But you won't -- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and me against the world." Your bestbuds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past three years!" And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in when he's in the office. '(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.) Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!'
and you say, 'No, he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert) Your cousins say, 'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say, 'No, he's into cross stitching.'

You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him. The wedding doesn't transform anyone. Even if three Popes officiate the wedding.

The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit. In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious.
If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding.

Here's the truth : You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility. Especially compatibility in the area of values and mission in life. I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We're both born in July."

Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry.

MYTH 2 : WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON I'm sure you've had this experience before. You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door. Your eyes meet. Instantly, time stands still. The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd
becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you hear gentle violin music from the background.

One week later, he's your boyfriend. A few weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eighth in six months).

Your mind says, 'Dump him'
Your heart says, 'But it was love at first sight!'

Here are the consequences ...
You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side of the relationship. Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again. How can you not be meant for each other?

You become a love-at-first-sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'. One intelligent woman told me, "Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay. He's kind, he's responsible, he has a good job..." "I could hear a 'but' coming ," I said. 'but there are no sparks!" she bit her lip. "No violin music playing in the background huh". "None. When I see him, the background music I hear is lululalu-lalulalulalei..."

"Listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet your potential spouse. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..."

I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear."

It doesn't have to be love at first sight. In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material.

What is love at first sight? Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight.
Don't give it too much weight. Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.

MYTH 3 : IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER
No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth: You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is over and whether you really loved one another in the first place.

Imagine the night of your honeymoon.
Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips. And all of a sudden, she snores. "Ngggggggooork."

How do you react? Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.'

Six months down the road, the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. And you hear her snore. "Ngggggoork." What do you say? "Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!'

What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this: 'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic! You can make a decision to love the snoring boat.

You start blaming your partner for the loss of love. This is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him.
Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault.The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins.

Let me explain. This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Less Traveled.)

Falling in love isn't love. Here's why. When you fall in love...
a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.
b. No effort is required. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.
c. No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.

On the other hand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hard work. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure, true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it --that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.

MYTH 4: YOUR PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY
Again because falling in love satisfied you completely -- you want the same satisfaction to last. No it won't.

Consequence? You might fail to recognize a good relationship because your partner isn't fulfilling the needs you should be fulfilling yourself.

Here's the truth: the right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them . There are just some things your husband can't give you: Your self-worth. Your spirituality. Your inner happiness. These are things you have to work on your own.

I've met lots of people who think they're dissatisfied with their marriage. In reality, they're dissatisfied with themselves. I've met lots of people who think they're bored with their marriages. And they complain to the high heavens how boring their husband or wife is -- when in truth, they're really bored with life.

Meet your own needs. Find your happiness in God. Find your niche, your calling, your destiny. And then share your joy with your spouse.

MYTH 5: IF IT'S TRUE LOVE YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE ELSE
If you believe in this myth, you panic when you get attracted to someone else, questioning the authenticity of your love for your spouse One man told me, 'Bo, I love my wife. Or I thought I did. But then I met this woman at work. She has nice make-up. She smells nice. She wears a pencil-cut skirt. When I go home, my wife is wearing a drab rag. Her hair is undone.
She smells of vinegar. Gosh I am attracted to this girl at work."

Being attracted to someone is normal, even if you have a happy marriage. But being attracted doesn't mean falling into adultery. Every time you think of the other woman, discipline your heart and say, 'Home, boy, Home!' and escort your heart back to your wife. Because if you feed your attraction with fantasies and constantly think about the other woman, it grows. But if you starve your attraction, it dies a natural death.

There must be a better way, noh.
--Ate Glo, SONA 2006

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Homeless No More!

Yey!! I finally found me an apartment!! I was all set to room with this Indian named Kavita, since I figured I would be moving out after 6 months anyway, and the pain would be short-lived. But with 3 weeks left to go before I had to move out, my supposed housemate just informs me 3 days ago (!) that she was moving out to another place, leaving me high and dry.

She even had the nerve to tell me she wanted me to take over her 2-year lease (since she was leaving after only a month). I was trying to be nice and all that, but inside I was thinking I'd rather sleep in a hotel for 6 months and pay an obscene amount of money in the process, than help her out. Gr...

So there I was, in panic mode, hyperventilating into a brown bag and in the throes of a nervous breakdown. I practically begged my officemates to let me room with them but even if they agreed, I knew it was an imposition and my pride was suffering like hell. So these were my options:

1) Find my own apartment.
Pros: I can walk around naked if I want.
Cons: Time and desperation may force me into a high-rent place that's quite fug.

2) Room with someone.
Pros: Saving on rent and no lease to break if I move in a few months.
Cons: I need to get a thicker face.

3) Find 6 friends to molest and move to a new place every month.
Pros: No rent.
Cons: No more 6 friends after.

So I went house/room-hunting today and I found a nice new unit with floor-to-ceiling windows. It's a small space, definitely smaller than what I have now so I'll have to convert the living room/dining area into my own personal bedroom!! :) The bedroom becomes my study and walk-in closet. I won't have a dining area but so what. I'm kind of excited now since I'll have a huuuuge bedroom.

The only drawback is it's about 10 minutes walk to the office and up a small hill. Ugh. I have to exercise. I'm going to miss my current apartment - imagine, 5 minutes from my door to my desk. Sob sob. I might have to buy a bike.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Sonnet 27: My Comfort

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

The Yellow Brick Road