The Yellow Brick Road: January 2005

Sunday, January 30, 2005

The evidence of things not seen (Part 1)

I was never really active in orgs in college, preferring to 'tambay' with friends. For some reason in my junior year, AJMA made me the Corporate Relations Head of the AIMS seminar. A fancy title for someone whose job was just to round up sponsors - but not knowing any better, I accepted the post.

With 2 weeks to go before the event and 0 sponsors being acquired, my 2 staff people vanished, never to be seen again. For some reason, I got the brilliant idea to walk down Ayala Avenue and jump from building to building and floor to floor to do cold calls. So 1 hot, sticky afternoon, I did just that. I must have walked the full length from 6750 to Makati Med... in heels!

1 of the buildings was called JAKA (6780 Ayala), and on the 4th floor of that building was a 'small fish-big pond' agency called Bozell. I never got them to sponsor the event but for some reason, I kept their card.

Fast forward to graduation - I had just graduated Cum Laude and at the top of my Management class. For some reason despite this, I had no job offers from any company! Suicidal, mortified and desperate, I looked at all my 'contacts'... and started calling and faxing my resume. For some reason, only 1, 1 company, replied. And it was Bozell, now called FCB.

For some reason, the guy who interviewed me, who would become my boss, didn't want to hire me. If I hadn't called to follow up, he wouldn't have felt I really wanted the job and I might just still be floundering in job searching hell. But I did, and I was hired, and I met Dean - the interviewer, my boss and now my fiance.

The rest as they say... is history.

The evidence of things not seen (Part 2)

I truly believe that the confluence of all these factors was nothing short of divine intervention, destiny, even fate. And that belief is partly to blame for keeping us together for 4.5 years... despite living in different countries, Iya, having no money, having lotsa money, getting hit on by A-i and ex sentimentalities.

God put me in the greatest position to meet the love of my life for some reason. But if I hadn't accepted the job, walked the streets of Makati, kept the calling card, faxed my resume AND called to follow up - any 1 non-decision would have led me down an entirely different road than the one I am on now. And that doesn't even count the decisions that Dean made as well, or that we've made since then.

I guess D, the point of this whole long story, is that as much as fate puts all these elements together, at the end of the day - it's a choice, your choice, his choice. Things can't happen unless you let it. Only a coward lets his life be dictated by others. And you deserve so much better.

It's a small consolation I know. But someday, this phase too will seem like part of God's masterplan. It will make sense in the grand scheme of things. And you will love again.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Mergers and acquisitions

They finally announced it yesterday... P&G is buying Gillette in a deal that is estimated to cost $57 BILLION. That'll make P&G the biggest consumer-goods company in the world, with - count this - 21 billion-dollar brands, out-ranking Unilever and Colgate-Palmolive.

Everyone was abuzz with this news in the office yesterday. The leadership team was quite giddy - our stock prices were gonna go up making them even richer. For the rest of us peons, we were just happy to have the opportunity to market beyond detergents, shampoos, soaps, diapers and feminine napkins.

Welcome shavers, toothbrushes, batteries and MEN's products for a change. I can go to an FGD now with cute guys and have an excuse to ask them what they want. And their head office is in Boston, which is pretty cold but still has more life than Cincinnati. Woohoo!

Man, I'm such a nerd.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

The Road Not Taken

I wonder if it's a natural occurence to look back at your life and think of all the different roads not taken, just before you get married.

1 of the Discovery Channel episodes I am so fond of watching suggests that we may carry certain behavioral genes to this day, inherited from our earliest forebears. I've always thought that if I ever did have anything from that time, it would be the 'nomadic' gene. I don't like sitting still too long in 1 place and every so often, I feel wanderlust - suddenly itching to see new places, meet new people and experience new things.

Since being with Dean, I've calmed down quite a bit. When I was offered the job in Singapore, my first instinct was just pure excitement - living alone for the 1st time, great office and financial independence!! But Dean's reaction (which was to break up with me) made me bury the desire so completely that when I finally got to go, I didn't really enjoy it, mostly because I was away from him.

But lately, it's starting to hit me hard... the 1st seeds were planted when I had lunch with Julie and the girls in December. Her London life seemed so exciting to me, and I found myself wondering 'what if'. And then, Harvey (my boss) told me I could work in whatever country I choose to.

Since then, I find myself looking at (my sister-in-law) Belle's life and wondering if this is all there is. She's only a year older than me, with 1 kid and another on the way in 2 months. I used to think that was the life I wanted - and I have no doubt it's a great life. But at 26, is that all I will be, all I want to be? A wife, a mother, office in the mornings, diapers at night?

What's happened to me... to wanting to see the world, going out of my box, being more interesting than I currently am? Have I lived enough to settle down and be my own person as 1/2 of a relationship? I used to dream of eating baguettes for breakfast in Paris, sketching David in Florence and wearing funky matching coats and umbrellas in London - where has that gone? I know not many people get to live their dreams, but I am in a unique opportunity to do so... and I think that's what's killing me right now.

Life is really good, and I feel so selfish to want more than what I have. I should be happy and I am - I have a great fiance, career, apartment... but I can't help wanting more. I can't look Dean in the eye, he's given up so much for me and here I go, all over again. I'm so embarrassed to admit that I want more, because he's already given me so much. The most important thing in a relationship is to look in the same direction and I feel like I just did a 180 degree turn.

God, I hope this is just a phase...

Friday, January 21, 2005

Home is where the heart is

It's a slow day today and I'm missing home. I want to curl up in bed and veg for days and have Mama cook me steamed fish and sibut soup, pork chop and yummy steak with gravy. But since I'm a thousand miles away, I have to content myself with my own apartment. Somewhat like home when Dean comes over to cook.

This is what he sees when he walks in - no dining table save for that little brown coffee table. That door leads to the kitchen...

This is my living room with my dinky 12" TV (it's really 17" but feels like 12") that Dean made me buy to save money. I wanted to go for the 42" plasma!!!

View from my terrace. I'm right beside my office so I can't see it from my balcony. Woohoo. Like I ever go out, except to hang dry my clothes. How probinsya. :)

My study area. Where I'm writing this blog now. What a mess...

My favorite piece of furniture in the whole apartment? My BED! It's actually just a mattress but finally I have a big one I can relax on (after suffering for 2 years on a small-ass single). The room's flanked on both sides with connecting doors, one side to the study and the other to the bathroom.

The bathtub I've never used.

So there, home sweet home away from home... doesn't quite feel like home. I'm not sure it ever will. But I guess it'll have to do for now - till Yotch comes to decorate.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Pinkie complex

My pinkie fingers have developed a complex.

This week was really boooooring. Back at work after the holidays, and what a rude awakening with a full week of mandatory trainings. Ugh. By the last day of these enforced sessions, we were all experts at sleeping with our eyes open.

Anyway, pretending to take notes, we started drawing hand turkeys. You know those things you used to do when you were a kid? Trace the outline of your hand on a piece of paper? Well, we did that and I discovered... gasp!

I have an absurdly unano pinkie.

The funny thing about this is, you wouldn't even know you have a midget pinkie on your hands unless you compared it to your ring finger. I guess in that sense, I have an unano brand too. I was nominated for 3 of 8 awards in our yearly Oscar thingies, and didn't win a thing.

At least I got to dress up.
That's (top-L) Russ, Cha, Avs, Harvey (my boss), Pat, Les, (bot-L) Rhinn (my ABM), Claire, Carlo (my other ABM), me, Pauline, Michelle and Johanne.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Great Dane

I was trying to write a less 'heavy' blog today, but I came across this article in the Straits Times and grabe, I just started crying (more like bawling and sniffing) on the plane. I figured if I devoted some blog space to a courageous woman who faced the waves and died because she did not know how to swim, I should at least offer the same tribute to a 'Great Dane' - a courageous man who could swim and swam to save people he did not know, until ultimately, the waves conquered him as well.

I can't read this article and not tear...

Brave Dane
Battling raging waves, he saved 10 kids until he himself was swept away by the waves
By Ben Nadarajan
SRI LANKA - AS THE massive tsunami waves battered Sri Lanka's southern coastal resort of Matara, anyone with any sense at all fled.

All, except one strapping Danish tourist with wavy blonde hair.

Hurtling himself against the surf, Mr John Mailand, 32, dashed back to the beach not once, not twice, but six times, witnesses told The Straits Times. With each trip, he grabbed an armful of stranded children from the waves and cradled them as he sprinted towards a hut on a hill 50m above sea level where everyone else had clustered. There, he deposited them into the arms of their weeping mothers before charging off again.

At times, he waded through waist-high water. At others, he swam against the currents to reach screams for help.

Unfortunately, the grateful parents never got a chance to thank the 'tall, big-sized man with wavy hair' for saving their little ones. Because on Mr Mailand's sixth foray into the eye of the storm, just as he was trying to extricate a debris-pinned mother and child, a second round of tidal waves swooped down on him and swept him away.

Survivors said they saw the water pummel his bulky frame against a wall and snap his head against the concrete. His limp body then sunk under the rapidly rising water. His distinct blond turf was the last thing anyone saw of him. Mr Mailand is one of more than 10 Danish nationals still missing and feared dead in Sri Lanka.

Little is known about him, although his heroics have kept the locals busy swopping stories about the brave 'white man' who gave up his life to save at least 10 Sri Lankan children in a town he was only visiting for a week.

Madam Preema DeSilva, 34, the mother of a four-year-old girl who kept afloat clinging onto a tree trunk until Mr Mailand scooped her out of the water, described the Dane as a fearless 'towering tree'. She told The Straits Times: 'Water was everywhere. I was sure I had lost my girl. I was crying and praying when my husband suddenly touched my arm and pointed below.' Trudging up a row of steep steps was Mr Mailand, with Madam Preema's petrified daughter perched on his shoulders and clutching onto his forehead. As soon as he set her down and patted her hair, he took off. Said Madam Preema, who cooks in one of the beachside restaurants: 'He left so quickly. I wanted to thank him. Without him, my girl would be gone.'

Others who witnessed the Dane's bravery said it inspired them to do the same. Before long, several Sri Lankans and a few Caucasians also started running down to the beach to free the stranded. Dive instructor Samthira Bambang, 42, said: 'We were all thanking God that we had escaped the disaster as we thought everyone still down there was probably dead. 'But when the Dane kept coming back with more survivors, we felt ashamed that a foreigner was risking his life to help while we just stood there and did nothing to save our own people.'

Australian tourist Harry Conway, 36, also saw Mr Mailand run tirelessly up and down the hill. 'He was almost struck by a floating tree once, but he ducked just in time. He did not seem to fear anything. People were shouting for him to run away when the second wave hit, but he just continued trying to lift the concrete slab off the woman and child. But it was too late,' he related.

The town's police chief, Mr Domani Surjami, 48, also piped in with praises. 'He was safe. He could have gone home to his loved ones. But he knew there were others who needed his help. And he gave his life to save people he didn't even know,' said Mr Domani. 'No one here will ever forget what he did.'

Sniff sniff...

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

The tsunami effect

Oddly, I find myself grieving for a woman I barely knew.

Orapim Milindasuta was the Thailand Managing Director at Procter and Gamble. I met her a couple of times and exchanged a few words over training sessions. She was an amazing woman - the first Thai and the first woman at that, to head the P&G Thai Organization after 15 years of expatriate male leadership. In between a hectic work schedule and her personal life, she even found the time to volunteer and build schools for those less fortunate.

When the tsunami hit, she was having breakfast with her best friend at a resort in Phang Na. As the wall of water came crashing down, one grabbed hold of a coconut tree and was saved... but could do nothing as she watched her friend being swept away by the angry waves. Orapim's body was found 2 days later, about 30km from where she was last seen.

Just 1 of 155,000 victims... and it already seems too much.

As more tales of the human drama are told, I am also incredibly saddened by the sheer helplessness those who were in that situation must have felt. The friend who had no choice but to hold on; The mother who had to choose to let go of either her 5 year old son or her 1 year old baby to survive; Another mother who, knowing she was dying, chose to give up her 9-year old twins to a stranger to save them.

The tsunami is a tragedy not just of villages being wiped out, of parents knowing unnaturally early the pain of losing their children or of suddenly orphaned babies. It is also the tragedy of these horrific choices.

And for me now, the tragedy of 1 woman's death.

Monday, January 03, 2005

The year that was

In 2004, I...
... started the year with a bang in Boracay

... bonded with my brother whom I hadn't seen for too long
... sighed as my other brother got married like it was the first time
... got promoted because my boss was
... saw my sister and my best friend fall in love (not with each other)
... took a wonderful vacation in Cambodia and Vietnam (and Bora again)
... finally finally finally settled in Singapore
... got a new apartment which is just starting to feel like home and
... rekindled friendships so old, it made me feel old.

Funny how that's one year of my life in a nutshell. Doesn't even come close to capturing the many other people who came by, the countless events that passed me by, all the confusion I struggled by or the myriad small choices I lived by. 12 months, 365 days, 525,600 minutes compressed in a few short lines... either I live a very boring life, or I'm getting old.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Google-able?

Well, my attempt at 'googling' myself hasn't worked so I give up. I have resigned myself to being an obscure grain of sand in this vast Internet universe of beaches. A microscopic . (dot) in this cyber-galaxy. Barely a peep in the thundering roar of the new age. (By now, I'm just having fun with the drama and the effects.) You get the point.

At least I'm out there somewhere... even if I'm still, for some freakin' reason, not on the 8th page (I gave up after 8) of the Google search hits.

Obviously, I have too much time on my hands to be fixated on this -- a frivolity to be sure with all the recent tragedy still unfolding. What is it with being googled and finding the right me that is so important? I'm 26, more successful than I have a right to be and fully enriched in my personal relationships. So what if I'm not 'google-able' or 'google-ated'? (I'm sure someone is about to kill me for all the new google words I'm inventing.)

Vanity or not, there is something to be said of the permanence of seeing your name online. And at a time when life itself seems so temporary, even arbitrary, I'm finding a strong craving to mark my name somewhere... a permanent marker to say - 'Moan was here.'

So here I am.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

No longer anonymous

I am officially putting myself on the map... at least of the internet world. I google'd myself a couple of weeks ago and found someone with my exact same name on the other side of the world - who obviously wasn't me. Sacre d'bleu!

So here I am, staking my own little piece of techie land. MONIQUE ONG - let's see someone google me now! Ha!

I'm going to go check if it works now. In the famous words of Arnold, "I'll be back-h".

The Yellow Brick Road